American Idol: Rock and Roll Is Dead, And You Killed It!

American Idol
Title: "Lowest Vote Getter Out of Top 9 Contestants Eliminated"
First Aired: 4/4/07
Goodbye, Rocker-Girl! Your tongue ring no longer amuses them. Your hair no longer surprises them.

They are America, and they have spoken. You should know, however, that they are also retarded.

With Gina Glocksen now among the corpses strewn along Sanjaya Road, it's safe to say that things are getting tense! I guess that's what happens when you cater a singing competition to an audience that cares nothing about singing. That's also what happens when you let teenagers vote! It should be mentioned here that anyone who voted for Sanjaya Malakar on Howard Stern's recommendation is also considered a teenager, no matter their age or Dungeon Master level.

All is not lost, however. Sure, it was a shame to see Gina go, but last night's show actually had a pretty hefty silver lining!

When Ryan Seacrest broke the remaining contestants into three groups of three (the highest, lowest, and middle vote getters), there was a definite sense of dread in the air!

The bottom three were easy enough to spot, as you had the Alien, the Rocker Girl, and Legs (I mean, seriously, does the upper half of Haley Scarnato even need to take the stage anymore?). The order of the top two groups, however,could still have caused a stir.

Picture it like this: On one end of the stage stood the Divas (Jordin Sparks, Melinda Doolittle, and Lakisha Jones). On the other end, the Dork Patrol (Blake Lewis, Chris Richardson, and the dreaded Sanjaya).

Now, maybe it was just me, but there was a brief, nightmarish moment in which I wondered which group got the most votes. Sure, the Divas are by far the best singers but, judging by America's track record this year, it's completely possible that Sanjaya could be outpolling every other singer three to one!

So, finding out that the voiceless wonder was indeed in the "middle" group was kind of like getting paroled. Like having your birthday on New Year's Eve! Like winning the lottery on Christmas! I mean, it was some seriously glorious sh*t!

In case you haven't noticed, this is how insane things have gotten. These are our small moral victories. Welcome to American Idol, Season Six!

The good news, of course, is that the top three girls are deserving. The Divas are indeed here to stay. Let's just hope their fans can sack up in a few weeks' time when Howard Stern and his wiener posse try to push Sanjaya into the Top Three!

Good luck, ladies! Next week is J. Lo week. Let's see what you got!