Lakisha Jones has been kicked off the show! Was it right, America? Was it a tragedy? Was it overdue? Hell, I don't know. I've gone Paula Ab-dumb from the hour long commercial I just watched.
You know the one; it starts off talking about "42 million votes" and "Results" and then goes on to blather about Ford trucks, movie premieres, Coca-Colas, and Maxi Pads. I think they call it American Idol.
Ever heard of it? These people have:
Bill Maher, Jessica Alba, The Thing. They all suck on the royal teat of America's most powerful show. At least some of these celebrities had a reason to be there last night. After all, a quarter of the show was dedicated to pimping the new Fantastic Four movie. This is a singing competition, remember?
But, Bill Maher? Whatcha doin' there, dude? What are you doing!
At least he didn't take the stage. The "celebrities" that did take the stage were absolutely deplorable. First up was Pink, a woman with true edge that, ironically, would never even crack the top 10 on Idol. And there she was, sucking it up big time in front the top 4. This,however, was nothing compared to the main event, which I believe may have been the worst performance ever on American Idol.
For those of you just scanning the channels last night; No, you didn't see the skeleton from your old science lab attempting to sing a ballad. That was actually Barry Gibb who, for the love of god, must stop performing! His voice is shot. His face is scary. And there are children watching. Think of the children!
Seriously, maybe the worst performance ever.
But even this couldn't stop the tears from flowing when Lakisha heard she was kicked off. It was no surprise that she was in the bottom two with Blake Lewis and, to be honest, it really wouldn't have been a surprise if Blake had been kicked off instead. The truth is, every contestant that gets kicked off from here on out will hurt deep if you care anything about this show. I have to say, though, Jordin Sparks has a little cocky attitude going these days. I think I'm ready for her to go. Her "knowing" smile when her name got called first last night, her crocodile tears when awaiting the results, it's all beginning to look a bit phony. But, what can you expect? She's a seventeen year old Terminator, and now the only woman who stands in her way has no neck.
But, Lakisha, I'll miss you! You had soul, girl. Even if you sometimes had trouble fitting it all into your dress.
Fearless Predictions for Next Week: Lakisha buys her three year old daughter some ice cream for the first time in months. Jordin Sparks does fifty push ups in her room and then crushes a picture of Melinda DooLittle in her gigantic palm. Then, Blake Lewis goes all Hamlet on us with, "To beat-box or not to beat-box? That is the quicky-quicky-question."
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