People like to call ‘American Idol’ a singing competition, but let’s be honest, the talent tournament is just a well-publicized popularity gossip-fest. That might offend some vocal purists, but this is America. What’s more fitting than thirty million people indulging their high school beauty salon chatter urges? We here at Cinema Blend, in an attempt to cater to these sophomoric appetites, have decided to provide a one-stop shop for all of the rumors and shenanigan-ridden secrets. So here is my best Dorothy Parker imitation in the first installment of CB’s weekly idol gossip coverage.For the last few weeks, Justin Timberlake look-alike Chris Richardson’s love life has dominated the tabloid scene. Most of the stories have linked him to former ‘Laguna Beach’ star Lauren Conrad; however, the full extent of their relationship has been unclear. This week he denied any romantic involvement to the Hollywood Gossip, but an even partial confirmation could have ended in a bitter altercation with LC ex-boyfriend Jason Wahler. Let’s be honest, would you want to piss off that coked-out HeMan?
In other Chris Richardson dating news, Evil Beet Gossip has unraveled a white trash web of lies involving the recently booted singer and his current/ex/who knows what’s going on girlfriend. Apparently, he met this seductive vixen while working at Hooters. Unfortunately, for both parties, the waitress had a husband, and he was serving his country in Iraq. Of course, a vapid, superficial fling is worth destroying the holy bonds of matrimony, and the two started a torrid and hardly surreptitious lust affair. Nice effort, Jezebel, I’m sure your soldier husband really wanted to come home from war to find his beloved wife fucking the fry cook.
The internet has also been abuzz recently with stories of Sanjaya Malakar’s hometown refusing to give him an honorary day. Why is this even news, and what exactly would he be celebrated for? He didn’t exactly save Chicago from the great fire or cure cancer. Let’s give him the keys to the city for elevating himself into a cultural joke! That’s a great idea. Who else can we honor with their own day? I’m sure Linda Tripp and Lorena Bobbitt both could use some publicity.
The busty trainwreck that is Jessica Sierra has also been eating-up negative headlines lately. The former Nikko Smith girlfriend and season three contestant was arrested for assaulting an unfortunate soul outside a local drinking hole. Luckily for her, she also had cocaine on her person, increasing the total number of felonies committed. Note to Jessica: coke-induced fights only boost your fan base if you’re James Brown or in Motley Crue. Check out Fox News for all the boobalicious details. Sickening. Glance at that mug shot at the top of the story (Warning: over exposure may cause cataracts). She looks like a thirty-five year old prostitute/mother who’s realized that heroine is a better alternative to facing life’s problems (Or maybe she just saw Chris Sligh’s balls). Nick Nolte only wishes his mug shot was that embarrassing.
Paula Abdul Who applied her eye make-up on Tuesday? I’m pretty sure Michael J. Fox and Muhammad Ali could have done a better job. It looked like a below-average tranny’s first attempt.
Judge Judy Did anyone else see the famed TV justice in the audience? It’s a good thing too. With Haley Scarnato gone, ‘Idol’ has had a serious dearth of eye candy.
Barry Gibb Why was everyone treating him like John Lennon? He was a nice songwriter who popped up at the perfect time. He should be given some respect, but there’s no reason to anoint him savior of music!
Pink's Drummer Why does he look so much like a 70s porn star? After all, it is Bee Gees week.
American Idol Ford Commercials Who is going to the official website to watch these shady car commercials over again? Honestly, how terrible must your life be to review this crap?
Blake's Shirt What the hell is this outfit? A Tuxedo shirt? I bet he wears a top that says "costume" for Halloween too. Douche. I hate him. He's about as original and interesting as an FDR fireside chat. The polio-ridden late president could probably dance better too.
Blake Got Kicked Out Of Choir Class? No wonder you can't sing you sack of shit.
Ring Around The Rosie Circle Was I the only one waiting for Jessica Alba to pop out of the middle in stripper gear?
Lakisha Is Gone! Ok, Lakisha was just eliminated. No big surprise here. She seems like a nice girl, but as millions of people have proven, winners don't come from Flint, Michigan.
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