American Idol
Title: "Lowest Vote Getter Out of Top 10 Eliminated"
First Aired: 3/28/07
Oh, bittersweet victory! What to think? What to think?
On the one hand, it's sad to see another contestant get cut before he should have. On the other, it's great to be genuinely surprised! I mean, holy f****n' m*****f****rs! Did anybody see this coming?
Chris Sligh is gone! That's right, the chubby one has left the building.
This is a total joke, of course, considering who is still up there.
Yes, the one who will remain nameless is still in the competition. In fact, American voters are so grotesquely stupid that he wasn't even in the bottom three! Our only hope now is that these troglodytes who keep voting for him will slide even further down the evolutionary ladder and soon forget how to use their textin' thumbs.
What about you? Did you vote for him? If so, listen up. Do you think it's clever to vote for the worst singer? Do you think it's ironic? Well, you're half right. It was clever. It was ironic. Now, it's just lame.
So, unless you're willing not only to carry this joke all the way through the finale, but also to go out and buy 30 million of this dork's albums (complete with "sister duets") after he wins, then prepare to see your favorite show go off the air. And yes, American Idol is your favorite show, or else you wouldn't be reading this. So, make your choice. Just don't blame us when you have nothing to bitch about on your MySpace page next spring.
As for this spring, those of us with working brains finally had a Results Show shocker! Who knew that Chris Sligh being publicly exposed as a Christian would lead to his demise? Now, considering today's political climate in America, that is what you call irony! But how else do you explain Sligh's meteoric fall from guy-favorite to total shlub in only two short weeks? Surely he wasn't bested by a beat-boxer, was he?
However you explain it, you know the happiest guy on the planet is Phil Stacey. The bald one survived again! Gina Glocksen, too -- the second-lowest vote getter this week is also not likely to shed many tears over the chunky crooner's departure. You could see it in her eyes, though -- once it was down to her and Sligh, Gina thought she was done for. I mean, how does one stand up to the "Fro Patro" juggernaut? Apparently, all you have to do is sing your ass off, as Gina did this week, and hope that you aren't the absolute worst performer (Pony Hawk excluded) on the stage. Then, simply repeat this process for eight more weeks, and boom! You're a millionaire.
No sweat! Easy money, right? Just watch your back for Blake Lewis, Lakisha Jones, Melinda Doolittle, and Jordin Sparks. They're all gunning for ya!
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