Regardless of who is named American Idol tonight — Blake Lewis or Jordin Sparks — both of their careers are set. But it is still fun to speculate (semi-seriously) about their futures. While we’re at it, why not speculate (not so seriously) about the futures of the rest of the Top 12 contestants?
'IDOL' CHATTER
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Nathan Wade, Christy Scott and Stacey Crawford contributed to this story.
JORDIN SPARKS Most likely to win
Jordin’s going home with the gold tonight. Her first album will be cheesy. The second will be better. But it’s Jordin’s more distant future that’s going to be interesting to watch. Hopefully the biz doesn’t turn her into a coked-out anorexic freak, complete with Lohan antics and low-slung pants. Hopefully she works with the right producers, who put her voice to good use but keep her sound young. Remember Aaliyah’s work with Timba- land? I’m just sayin’.
BLAKE LEWIS Coolest Idol contestant ever
Blake rocks and will continue to do so. A couple of good albums are in his future, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he makes the switch to producing. Everyone will clamor for his beatboxing cameos, and he’ll cut young, tragically hip albums with folks like, hmmm, I don’t know, maybe . . . Jordin Sparks.
GINA GLOCKSEN Most likely to be least memorable
After releasing a single (a Pat Benatar remake) that goes nowhere, Gina does a little of this and a little of that, hoping someone will buy into her pseudo-punk image. She finally settles down, has a kid with her bespectacled beau and becomes the rockingest soccer mom out there.
BRANDON ROGERS Most likely to pimp out his voice
Mild-mannered Brandon has a whirlwind career singing jingles, eventually bumping Kathy Lee from her cruise ship commercial queendom. With his Isaac-from-Loveboat wink and point, he sends cruise bookings sky high. American Idol, Shmamerican Idol, he’s on a fun ship cruise.
LAKISHA JONES Best kisser
Kiki dabbles in gospel and R&B music and begins a torrid love affair with a certain AI judge on the sly. (Love at first kiss!) When a private video of the two surfaces, it increases her celeb factor tenfold, but she has to leave the gospel scene, for sure.
CHRIS RICHARDSON Best wingman
Chris rides his friendship with Blake all the way to the bank by heading up the beatboxer’s entourage. He finds his own Jessica Simpson-like fame when his reality show about his coffee-getting coattail-riding life becomes an MTV hit.
CHRIS SLIGH Most likely to bring chubby back
Tired of being a Jack Osbourne look- alike, Chris slims down at Celebrity Fit Club and shaves his Sideshow Bob locks only to discover — he looks like a short Phil Stacey. If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em. He heads to Branson to sing Creed cover songs with Stacey.
MELINDA DOOLITTLE Best Voice
One Bon Jovi song and Melinda was hooked — rock and roll forever, baby. She teams up with Sevendust and Fishbone for the “Black and Bad” tour. And she headlines Warped Tour and Ozz Fest, carving out the kind of hardcore career Gina Glocksen could only dream of.
STEPHANIE EDWARDS Most likely to be Beyonce
Climbs the R&B charts, even teaming up with Kelly Rowland, leading people to ask, “Did Destiny’s Child get back together?” She cements her comparison to the hip-hop diva when she stars in the made-for-TV movie, Bootylicious — The Unauthorized Beyonce Knowles Story.
PHIL STACEY Least hair
After his stint in the Navy, Phil embarks on a mediocre country music career, finally landing a regular, if cheesy, gig in Branson. But this baldy’s biggest success is the super-hip line of hats he endorses.
SANJAYA
MALAKAR Most likely to rule the world
With his permagrin and great hair, the path was clear for Sanjaya: politics. Singing gigs at weddings and bat mitzvahs get him through college and he starts climbing that bureaucratic ladder. In 2032, votefortheworst.com wins him the U.S. presidency. (And then we all live in Sanjaya’s Universe.)
HALEY SCARNATO Most likely to wear the least clothing
She’s a regular headliner at Fiesta, Texas (the theme park) in San Antonio. She belts out Celine Dion and Meatloaf favorites, and the roller coaster riding crowd loves her. She sometimes moonlights as the chick on the big swing at Old San Francisco Steakhouse. (Those legs are golden!)
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