American Idol: Is that Your Pony-Hawk, Or Do You Just Suck?

American Idol
Title: "Top 10 Finalists Compete"
First Aired: 3/27/07
Enough is enough, people! Get Sanjaya and his goofy hair off my television. Don't start a hunger strike. Don't print up a T-shirt. Don't even light up the discussion boards. Just stop talking about him, and he'll disappear like Peter Noone.

Who, you ask? Exactly!

So, all together, America -- say it with me: Goodbye, Sanjaya! You are now officially boring. Goodbye.

As for the real show, let's hear it for Gina Glocksen and Blake Lewis! What a coup! In case you didn't read it here last week, or watch the show last night, Simon Cowell officially confirmed what we "in-the-know" had assumed for a while now...

Blake Lewis is the guy to beat.

Although still a mile behind front-running divas Melinda Doolittle, Lakisha Jones, and Jordin Sparks, Blake has taken a choke-hold on the dudes. And, thank Buddha, he did it without beat-boxing! Instead, Blake reached into the vault and pulled out one of the great tunes of all time: The Cure's "Love Song." It wasn't flashy, or given a hip-hop or reggae twist -- it was just sung like it ought to be sung, on a massively popular, money-grabbing, commerce machine like American Idol. Just like Robert Smith dreamed!

Seriously, though, each week sees Blake's stock rise as former front-runner Chris Sligh begins to look more and more like a big, squishy joke. Despite his large fan base, Sligh needs to realize that even his "Fro Patro" will desert him if he keeps up with the Jheri curl 'do and crappy singing. I mean, he can't just rely on his dashing good looks forever (insert maniacal laughing sound here).

Gina Glocksen is another contestant who's coming on strong of late. Although she doesn't stand much of a chance making the finale with the all the big ol' voices -- as Randy calls them -- in the competition, she can at least hold her head up high. Her rendition of The Pretenders' "I'll Stand By You" was spot-on and gorgeous last night, leading Simon to say, "That wasn't one of your best performances, Gina. That was your best performance."

How appropriate for a rocker like Gina to bust out on a night where one of the great contemporary rockers in the world -- Gwen Stefani -- served as the guest coach. Bravo to the Idol producers for finally booking someone under the age of sixty-five to coach these kids! It's no wonder that the first coach not on Social Security actually got through to Gina, a semi-goth who is probably pierced somewhere we can't see. So, good luck to you Gina! See you next week (cross my Wicca and hope to die).

Now let's see whether we can give a swift boot off the stage to Haley "Legs" Scarnato, Chris "I'm even dumber than I look" Richardson, and the other talentless male contestant who will remain unnamed.